Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We left an ass print on the piano.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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