Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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