Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
