I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
