I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
