so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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