He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
