We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
