Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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