You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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