No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize