She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
