yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
