porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
