I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
