I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
