I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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