you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
