seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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