and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
