I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
