did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
