Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
