Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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