If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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