Nicole vs. Life
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
