No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
