I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think i peed on brittanys purse
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
