he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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