I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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