Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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