Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
