i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
