I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
