i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
