corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
