I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize