I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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