Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
