So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
