I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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