now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
