I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
