ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
