The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
