i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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