mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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