Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
