She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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