Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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