and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
