there's paper in my vomit.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize