Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
