btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
