she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
