new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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