Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
