Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
