Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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