My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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