Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
