Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
