so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
