hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
